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fat free

June 19, 2014

My therapist said I had to make better choices. I chose to fire her.

And I chose to go back to gluten. I wasn’t depressed because of gluten, I was depressed because I was heartbroken.  Because I was heartbroken I ate too many bad pastries.  I like sugar.  Sugar makes me feel good. But then sometimes it makes me feel bad.  Now I know there’s good sugar and there’s bad sugar, like cholesterol or men.
Now I make choices based on the long-term. I want the good feelings to last longer.  The impulse danish or Dunkin’ Donut only feels food for a little while.  I timed it once:  twelve minutes and then I wanted another one. Twelve minutes later I just felt extra bad – and extra bloated.

I learned how to make my own bread and sugar-free muffins.  I bring them to the office on Mondays. Jennifer at work doesn’t believe me when I tell her how I lost the weight.  She thinks I’m being a bitch because Colin has fallen in love with my carrot cake muffins.  That’s her prerogative, I didn’t start baking to woo Colin.  We’re all making our own choices.

8 min on 6.3.14, in Queens
prompted from a cookie wrapper on the F train

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